Save A Life! Save A Family!

There is always more to learn.

jholdbrooks — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 17:08:20 +0000

Balance. Most of us with addictive natures are extremists. All of nothing. To learn to live in the balance, in the tension is a life skill that can carry us far, perhaps even into eternity.

This too shall pass.

I repeat this phrase over and over, as it seems to be something I am quick to forget. But it’s true. This too shall pass. All the highs and all the lows. The hard days, and even the bad. Life ebbs and flows.

This is a common journey. I sometimes have pouted for being in my mid twenties yet not able to party like the folks I see. But when I stop and look around, I am not the only one on this path of sobriety. I have learned that if you surround yourself with other folks walking the same direction as you, it makes for a much greater trip! After-all, this is the great adventure!

You can do anything.

jholdbrooks — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 16:51:46 +0000

Yesterday I interviewed a man who only had one arm, yet he played the guitar and soloed like Jimmy Page. He kept saying to me “You can do anything. You can do anything.” His name is Lefty Williams, and he inspired me. This was after leaving a meeting where I heard one addict after another give excuses for why their life is so hard.

There are countless reasons and excuses for why you can stay stuck, right where you are. But this is your life. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

Still Recovering!!!

jholdbrooks — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 20:03:02 +0000

Spent some time clearing my head. The doom/gloom claws are out to get us! I was diving down and scrambling around, seeking the tangible, yet the tangible is right in front of my face! There are all these people now in my life who can hug me and touch me and we can try to love each other.

It can all be a bit overwhelming and hard to believe. “Everyone is afraid and everyone knows it, but we don’t have to be afraid anymore!”

I am ok, and I am a wreck. Both are in my head, and that is ok. It is still worth trying. What I have now that I didn’t have before is a safe place to go, with a group of people who love me. This is what HopeQuest and other recovery centers can offer as opposed to trying this on your own.

We are not perfect, and we don’t have to be. It is where we are broken that the light can shine out. These truths are rattling every part of my life. I am learning to accept myself where I am, and others. I spent too many years of my life hiding behaind shame and embarassment, and I can now hold my head high.

Life is the Great Adventure

jholdbrooks — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 18:38:09 +0000

When I heard other people tell their tales of relapse, I never thought it would be me. I could walk this way perfectly, and not need any more help than I have already received. I suppose what I had was a bad case of pride. It can be a tricky thing when one is trying to recover. It was nice to finally be able to hold my head high without the shame of the night before, and missing blocks of time. I became proud, and alas- I fell pretty hard.

Thankfully I have a new family of supportive and loving people who are helping show me the way. It is a hard road to walk, but there are others on this road too. I had to take some time and clear my head. I walked through all the events again in my head. Where I went, what triggered why and why I jumped off the wagon.

There was about 1 week where I was once again draped in shame and couldn’t bear to look my loved ones in the eye. I teetered back and forth about if I was just going to stay in the darkness, or if I was going to attempt sobriety again.

I was overwhelmed with the thoughts of the future, but then a wise friend suggested I just look at the day. And I went back to the basics. One day at a time. For today I can make it through.

Save your Life! Save your Family!

jholdbrooks — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 17:25:22 +0000

Everyone has these 2 basic needs, significance and security. We often seek to meet these needs through counterfeit needs, cheap sex, important jobs, or drugs that make us feel powerful. I noticed quickly when I was plastered I no longer felt the painfully sad feelings that plagued my every day life.

As addicts, we are so desperately thirsty for love and acceptance, yet we have this lame way of pushing away the ones who love us the most. Endangering our children, ruining relationships.

Sober is the New Black!

jholdbrooks — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 22:02:25 +0000

Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can’t Lose.

jholdbrooks — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 16:14:32 +0000

I am learning this new kind of confidence. In myself, from making right choices and even tough decisions. The thing about the truth is that once you start to tell it all the time, it can get you into trouble, but you decide that you don’t mind. And like gaining another kind of muscle strength, it gets easier to do the right thing.

There’s a better way.

jholdbrooks — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 16:41:02 +0000

There is Hope.

jholdbrooks — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 21:44:28 +0000

This was the first weekend in a long time for me where I was able to hold my head high and proud. My social anxiety was at an all time low, and I remember every detail of everything, heck I can even recall the names of everyone I remembered.

I hope that others can come to know that Hope is Real, and recovery is possible. Things change, and though it takes a lot of work, so far it is very much worth it.

My life energy has been redeemed. You can too.

Bondage doesn’t respond to common sense, logic or clear thinking.

jholdbrooks — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 18:01:30 +0000

You may be fighting to change your behavior, or fighting to make someone you love see the insanity in their behavior, but the trouble is when a person is under the control of an addiction, there is no “talking sense.” I knew what I was doing was ultra-destructive, and damaging to my life and relationships, but I couldn’t stop.

When we are children, we develop our belief system based on messages we learn. These core beliefs are what our behaviors grow out of. So it isn’t until I was able to learn what I really thought about myself, and replace these lies with truths. I went through HopeQuest where I was taught truths. It was only when I was able to accept myself, and discover that I am loved that things began to change drastically for me.

I thought I was adding something to my life that I desperately needed, escape from my self-consciousnesses, worthlessness, and insecurities. Counterfeit liberation. But what I really needed was am emancipator.