This was the first weekend in a long time for me where I was able to hold my head high and proud. My social anxiety was at an all time low, and I remember every detail of everything, heck I can even recall the names of everyone I remembered.
I hope that others can come to know that Hope is Real, and recovery is possible. Things change, and though it takes a lot of work, so far it is very much worth it.
My life energy has been redeemed. You can too.
You may be fighting to change your behavior, or fighting to make someone you love see the insanity in their behavior, but the trouble is when a person is under the control of an addiction, there is no “talking sense.” I knew what I was doing was ultra-destructive, and damaging to my life and relationships, but I couldn’t stop.
When we are children, we develop our belief system based on messages we learn. These core beliefs are what our behaviors grow out of. So it isn’t until I was able to learn what I really thought about myself, and replace these lies with truths. I went through HopeQuest where I was taught truths. It was only when I was able to accept myself, and discover that I am loved that things began to change drastically for me.
I thought I was adding something to my life that I desperately needed, escape from my self-consciousnesses, worthlessness, and insecurities. Counterfeit liberation. But what I really needed was am emancipator.
One of the hardest things in the world is to watch someone that you love struggle in the claws of an addiction. I have seen both sides of the fight now, and vividly remember my loved ones trying so hard to “make me stop,” or make me see. No one could tell me anything. I had to come to the ends of myself.
It isn’t true that everyone has to hit “rock bottom,” but I think everyone has to come to the end of themselves. The pain must finally be greater than the gain. In the mean time don’t continue to let the addict lie to themselves. Though not liars are all addicts, all addicts are liars. You cannot help support a lie. I would also recommend you read and learn everything you can about addiction. It is a family illness, and you aren’t alone. There are local Al-Anon and Nar-Anon near you. It takes a lot of strength to sit back and watch the people you love suffer from the consequences of their own actions.
We think we can break free from the bondage by changing the behavior, so what do you do when you can’t change the behavior?
When I first tried to clean up my act, I would really decide that this time was for real. This was my last mess up; this was my last time using. Sometimes I could even go for a few weeks… I adamantly told my family, “This is it for real this time, I’m finally through.” And I meant it, every time. And we began to dance in this routine of remorse, guilt, failure, and shame. Relapse was expected. How could I ever break free? I was trapped in behaviors that I sincerely wanted to stop.
Once you or your addict reach the point of surrender, and give up, seek help a HopeQuest.
Step 1
I admitted I am powerless over my human condition that my life has become unmanageable. (I Can’t)
Step 2
I came to believe that a power greater than I am can restore me to Truth. (He Can)
Step 3
I turned my will and my life over to the care of God. (I’m gonna let Him)
Step 4
I made a searching and courageous inventory of sin & hurt and the strengths & abilities in my life and identified the emotional impact of each.
Step 5
I admitted to God, to myself and to other trusted friends the exact nature of my wrong behavior, beliefs, and thoughts while acknowledging my God given strengths and talents
Step 6
I became entirely ready for God to remove my self-protective strategies of coping and sinful behaviors.
Step 7
I humbly asked God to remove these self-reliant beliefs and behaviors.
Step 8
I made a list of all persons I have harmed or who have harmed me and became willing to make amends with them all.
Step 9
I made direct amends to such people whenever possible offering apology and forgiveness except when to do so would injure them or others
Step 10
I continued to take a personal inventory and when I was wrong or have been wronged by others I promptly admitted it.
Step 11
I sought through prayer and scripture to improve my relationship with God, praying for the knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out.
Step 12
Having been released from shame and the penalty of sin, and believing that I am loved and accepted, I will carry this message of freedom to others and I will practice these principles throughout my life.